Resetting your expectations when things go wrong

No matter how successful you may be in your life, things can still get off track. Think about what’s currently happening across the globe: gas prices are still high, the market is in flux, and even the price of eggs seems out of control. As unsettling as these issues have been on our personal lives, it’s every bit as unsettling in business, too. Sometimes things just don’t go the way you expect them to. Maybe you’ve stumbled, or maybe you’ve failed miserably. That’s okay. Rather than beat yourself up over it, it’s time to rethink the way you see things.

By resetting your expectations, you can learn to move forward in a way that can empower your success for the future. Here are some tips to help you learn to do just that.  

Think about disappointment as a signal that something is off. You feel it in your gut. And you may even let it affect how you view yourself. Disappointment can turn incredibly negative unless you choose to view it differently. Begin viewing disappointment as an opportunity to grow. Don’t try to ignore the disappointment. Instead, face it and see what you can learn.

Start by leaning into the discomfort you’re feeling. There’s a reason it’s there, so you’ll need to understand why you feel that way. Learn to be aware of the emotion, then take notes. I recommend writing it down to assess what you’re feeling and when you’re feeling it. From there, you look for clarity. When you’re able to see it on paper and distill the emotion behind it, it can help you reframe the disappointment and unpack what’s really going on in your brain. Then, you can learn to take a pause the next time you feel those emotions and use it to develop a growth mindset that propels your success in the future.

When you don’t live up to your expectations of yourself, do you tend toward anger? That feeling of anger is natural, but it’s also the easy path to take. Instead of being angry with yourself, practice giving yourself grace instead. That includes allowing yourself to fail and knowing that it’s a trait of being human.

It’s important that you don’t fixate on what you see as a failure. Take notes, as mentioned above, then work on finding what you can learn from it. Then, it’s important to move forward and leave the past behind you. It may be beneficial to tap into your network of mentors, advocates, and other team members who can help you find clarity. They can help you see things from a new perspective, which can be a great way to find that grace you deserve.

Sometimes when we perceive something as a failure, our brains have the ugly ability to tell us we’re failures, even when evidence proves otherwise. That’s why, when you start to feel negatively, it’s important to focus on the good you’ve done. That’s because there’s typically more evidence that we’ve done things successfully. Sometimes you need that reminder, so you remember what’s real.

Our brains just need to be reminded of our wins. Reverse negative thinking by instead focusing on the details of your previous accomplishments. Ask yourself how people responded. Did you get positive feedback? Were you thanked? How did you feel when you achieved this success? It’s evidence that you’re talented, skilled, and capable. Let that drive your focus instead.

Goals can be one of the biggest motivators to drive forward momentum for the things you want in life and in business. If you feel like you’ve gotten off track somewhere, those goals can also help you refocus when things may have gone wrong.

Start by setting the types of goals that can help you refocus. Think about why you set the original goal and what your motivation was to get there. If it still applies, then consider tweaking the goals you set along the way to ensure you can find success. Those small successes will motivate you toward meeting the larger goal.

Once you’ve reset your focus, it’s time to begin moving forward with a new outlook. It can honestly be refreshing to change your frame of mind and use the experience to learn and grow. That growth is a major benefit of any type of setback.

Setbacks are a great way to build up your personal grit. That means the next time you may experience something similar, you’ll have the tools to approach it with positivity. From there, growth is inevitable. And that’s a great place to be in the long-term.

Setbacks don’t have to be a negative experience. They can be incredibly powerful as a tool for growth and learning. Take the time to understand what happened and reframe your thinking, and you’ll have nowhere to go but up.

Jim Allen is a business leader and entrepreneur who has built one of the top-producing real estate groups in the Triangle. He is President of The Jim Allen Group, which is consistently named one of the top real estate teams in North Carolina and even North America.