Ways to flip the script when things get tough

The past few years have pushed the limits on the world’s mental health. Even when we’re not living during a pandemic, the brain has what psychologists refer to as a “negativity bias.” Research shows humans tend to react strongly to negative stimuli, as well as ruminate on it. Some research even refers to the 3-to-1 ratio, which explains the need for three positive experiences to offset one negative one. In short, we’re wired to respond to the bad and we give those negative situations long-lasting power over us.

It doesn’t mean we have to stay wired that way, though. With intention, it’s possible to change the way you see the negative. And you can use it to jump into action and successfully grow your career. The following are three examples of ways you can change how you see setbacks.

I’ve often heard people challenge negative thinking with a simple question: Would you ever say something like that to your spouse, child, or best friend? When we’re being particularly hard on ourselves, it’s a great time to pause and actively practice self-compassion. In the Science of Happiness podcast from the University of California, Berkeley, Evan Sharp, the co-founder of Pinterest, says he writes a self-compassion letter when he’s feeling self-critical. Sharp writes the letter from a perspective of a friend, which he believes helps him actively fight the urge to be negative against himself. In fact, research shows people tend to be more motivated to reach their potential when actively practicing self-compassion.

If writing yourself a letter isn’t right for you, there are numerous other ways to be more positive toward yourself. With a little practice, you can create a habitual response that significantly changes the way you respond to negativity.

It’s important to understand that you will have moments where you are emotionally down. There’s nothing wrong with that. But when you’re able to find the positive within difficult situations, you’ll build emotional resilience, which allows you to bounce back quickly while finding solutions for hard times.

Fortunately, emotional resilience can be learned. Social psychologists offer many techniques for boosting yours, which include everything from staying optimistic and practicing spirituality to eating right and getting enough sleep. To keep yourself accountable, consider meeting regularly with a mentor who is willing to challenge your perceptions while providing you with the support you need to carry forward.

Taking risks can be scary. It can also bring out the best in you. Amy Morin, the author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do, argues that people who take calculated risks grow stronger by doing so. Morin writes that risk-taking builds mental strength and resilience. After all, if you work toward tackling something that’s not 100 percent certain, you’ll expand your skills and will get the opportunity to learn from any mistakes you make along the way.

As I’ve written before, mistakes are a critical part of human development. Risk taking opens you up to innovative ideas and experiences and will empower you to have better work outcomes. And of course, you never know where that new path will take you.

If you’re ready to rewrite the setbacks in your life, it’s important to take one specific action: focus on yourself. Offer yourself some kindness and give yourself the opportunity to grow and learn. From there, your success will take off, because you’ve empowered yourself to flourish.

Jim Allen is a business leader and entrepreneur who has built one of the top-producing real estate groups in the Triangle. He is President of The Jim Allen Group, which is consistently named one of the top real estate teams in North Carolina and even North America.